I’m willing to bet some of you guys are single. I too am single. I have been forever. My last relationship was in high school and those don’t count. So, while I’ve been on some dates, I’ve never REALLY had a relationship. Some of y’all may have had the same experience as me: You’re talking with some friends, maybe some family, just having a good time enjoying your evening when someone drops this line or some variant of it on you.
“How are you still single?”
Well, because I’m sick of being single I sat and thought about it for a while today. And because I’m sick of answering that question, I decided to put those thoughts down on the blog. Here’s what I’ve come up with.
4 Reasons why I think I’m single
Let’s address the 240 pound elephant in the room. (Burn.)
I’ve always been a fat kid. I used to hate myself for it. When I was young I had really bad body image issues. I would take hot showers so that the steam would cover the mirror and I wouldn’t have to see myself when I got out. (I know. That’s really messed up.) I got into shape my senior year of high school by running cross country. That also happens to be the last time I had a girlfriend. Coincidence? I think not.
Every year since high school I’ve put on a little weight but about three years ago I started this whole “crippling depression” thing and… man. It’s not good, Internet. I’m in the worst shape of my life. I don’t have the negative body image problems anymore (thank goodness), but I do have an objective understanding of human attraction. If I want to date people, I’ve got to get this thing *pats belly* under control. And that doesn’t really bother me because…
#3: I’m too picky
I don’t want to say that I’m shallow. I think that’s unfair. Trust me. I’ve been rejected by big girls, thin girls, black girls, white girls… I’m not shallow. But I am human. I know what a pretty person looks like. I prefer a pretty person for company. I’m not proud of it, but I’ve got to be honest with you, Internet.
But looks aren’t my sole pickiness problem. I’m into older women. Not like cougars, but like… women who are a couple of years older than me and have their act together. The strong, independent type. A woman who has a good job and doesn’t depend on my kindness or anyone else’s. That’s very attractive to me. Who isn’t into those things? The problem is I don’t have any of that shit. It makes me feel stupid for not lowering my standards. Yet, who wants to lower their standards? Idk. It confuses me and makes me mad. My conclusion right now is I just need to wait to date until I can offer all of those things. Blurg.
#2: Securely Insecure
I was talking to a priest about how I feel “behind schedule” in life. How I should be done with college and working a big boy job. He chuckled and said, “I don’t believe in ‘should.’” I get what he means. Everyone is different and their paths are different. It’s hard to say you should be done with college by this age or you should be making this much at that age. It was comforting for like four seconds. That sounds great when you’re talking with a priest friend but it doesn’t mean much when you’re trying to date women.
Look, Internet. I’m gonna get real with you for a bit. I’m 25 years-old. I live in the house I grew up in with my mom and sister. I sell firearms for hourly pay. I’ve been out of school for over two years after I let my depression and anxiety issues go too long without treatment and I burned out. I don’t make a ton of money. I’m already fat. You can’t be fat AND broke AND expect to date people.
Whenever my confidence gets high enough that I start getting excited about dating I imagine sitting across the table from a beautiful young woman and having to explain all of that. I imagine watching the hope fade from her eyes and marveling at her bravery as she drags herself through the rest of the date. Similarly I imagine myself fifty years-old, single, broke, crying by myself and then I do that for a couple more years and then die.
#1: I’m Scared
All of this contributes to the ultimate factor for my singleness, and the ultimate factor for most dudes’ singleness probably: FEAR.
I’m scared women will think I’m fat and/or ugly. I’m scared I’ll look stupid. I’m scared that I’ll never grow up in time to wife up. I’m scared, dude! Dating is the worst. Fear is what I hate most about all of this. I never want to be afraid. No man does. I want to think of myself as brave and capable. Yet, here we are. I’m still running away from girls. Fuck me, right?
I don’t like that I’m single but I do take comfort in the fact that I do have good idea as to why I’m single. I think I still have a ways to go before I can get out of this rut, but for now I think I’m still going to try dating. Maybe this time can serve as a practice run. I don’t know. Stay tuned for updates I guess. Until next time, Internet.